My wife insists our 5-year-old child must slee p with us

Dear Valentine,

Thanks
for educating the public on sex issues in your column. I am at the end
of my wits. My wife still insists our last born – who is now five
years and three months old should sleep in our bed. The child sleeps in
the middle and it has been like this for our three kids. Only a
pregnancy would make her to allow the big kid to move to the children's
bedroom. We don't expect to get other kids now and I don't know how
long this will go on. So for sex I have to wait for the kids to go to
school. Any time I indicate our child should start sleeping on her own,
she goes ballistic. "Leave this to me- it is about a mother and
daughter." I love peace and I am the quite one in our relationship. I
have had to live with maxim that sex is secondary in life and not a
must. She is a homemaker, loves me and the kids greatly. She is very
faithful and hardworking and I don't want to lose her. I know I would
never get someone like her. I adore my two daughters and son. The last
born, a daughter, who is sleeping with us cries if I hug her mother.
Sometimes I feel confused, and well such matters, who can you talk to?
What do you think I should do? I have tried taking my wife on holiday,
making her happy but whenever I bring up the subject, she becomes angry.
Both of us are doing business, we combine our incomes and we have
never had quarrels about money, and we lead a fairly good life. What
should I do?

Marvin

I
am so sorry Marvin, and thank you so much for asking this question. I
think a lot of people are suffering with the same issue and like you
said, they have nobody to speak to. You are going to
have to put your foot down. This is your house too and you matter.
Your feelings matter. A child in the bed does not just hinder sex, she
is in the way of cuddling, affection, and private conversation between
adults. The marital bed is more than a playground and restful space for
a couple. It is a therapy couch; it represents the reasons for
marriage. If you do not want someone else in your bed, you should not
have someone else in your bed and your discomfort is reason enough to
put a stop to this. Perhaps you too should try ‘going ballistic’.

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Hi Valentine,

I
am 24 and been sexually active for the past five years. I used to live
a reckless life and was having unprotected sex a lot, until two years
ago when I got hitched to a guy I am still dating. I have never cheated
on him, however a couple of months later I got a UTI which I had
treated. I had never had any infection - that was the first time- but
now I’ve had several recurrent cases of yeast infection and UTI. I went
for the VDRL test but nothing. Every time I go to the doctor and ask
if I have an STD, he says no. My boyfriend has been treated once or
twice for fungal infections. I am scared and these days I fear having
sex for fear of being sick. Also sometimes my butt crack itches and
have pimples which come and disappear on their own. What is my problem?
Please help me?

Lorraine

Lorraine,
what I am about to tell you is not based on any type of medical fact
but I believe it. I think your body is trying to tell you something
about your man and your relationship. You aren’t cheating but perhaps
he is, hence the recurrent infections. I also think
you should switch doctors and make sure that you go in to see him or her
when you have those pimples. They sound like herpes but only a doctor
can confirm that.

You are afraid and this feels like
the end of the world but you will be fine honey. You can refuse to have
sex with this man for a time just to see what your body does and get
treatment for the pimples. If it is herpes, it is not curable but your
immune system will learn how to deal with the virus and eventually you
will have fewer and fewer outbreaks. So sorry babe.