Condoms can spice up your sex life

We have been talking about condoms for the last two weeks and last week we discussed five reasons why you don’t use condoms:

· I don’t like the feeling

· They don’t fit me

· They smell and/or taste funny

· Different varieties of ‘don’t you trust me?’

· Contraception is a woman’s responsibility

After discussing each reason in detail, I then made you a promise that I didn’t really know I could fulfill: 'Do you want to incorporate condoms into your sex life? I will tell you how, next week'. So here it is. Condoms can be sexy. Condoms can be a fun part of your sex life. They do not have to interrupt the flow of things, that ‘condom moment’ does not have to be heavy with silence, anticipation and the gravitas of what you are about to do and how it can change your whole life. It all depends on how you choose to view them. Advertisers tell us that there is no reality, only perception, and when it comes to safe love making, I have to agree. Think of condoms as a necessary toy.

1. Condoms can enhance oral sex – with new flavours and smells, they change a woman’s experience of being down there and if you are a self-conscious man, you can rest assured that you smell and taste a certain way. Moods boast a wider selection than other brands with flavours like chocolate, bubblegum etc and they do not have a funny smell if you use them for intercourse. Ladies even if you are averse to oral sex, learning to put a condom on with your mouth can be a cheeky, fun and highly pleasurable way to avoid the ‘please wear a condom’ conversation.

2. Condoms can enhance performance – the Performax condom from Durex comes with a numbing gel inside the condom. I asked you for reviews and the ladies said you have to be super careful that the gel does not get on both of you otherwise you are both numb. Moods condoms also have a Performax equivalent with a lower dosage of the numbing ingredient which allows for more sensation.

3. Condoms can enhance sensation – I have a friend whose boyfriend swears by the tingle variety. He loves the minty feeling. Lots of women I know like studded condoms or the studded and ribbed. You can of course try the ribbed.

4. The earlier you put on the condom, the safer you both are during foreplay. You should ensure that naked genitals do not come into contact with each other so put the condom on early in the proceedings and relax into foreplay. Do not worry about the erection waning, the condom should not fall off.

5. Lots of lubrication is essential when you are using condoms. Ladies this is not a comment on your biology, guys this is not a comment on your inability to perform like a marathon runner. Lube is available and it will enhance foreplay and intercourse for both of you, why not bring it into the bedroom? Make sure it is latex friendly.

What is undeniable in the condom conversation is that married women have the most to lose from not insisting on condom use. In a relationship that implies inherent trust, but a society that is highly permissive of male infidelity, HIV prevalence among wives is staggering and they are one of the largest growing group when it comes to new infections. How can you protect yourself and your kids?

I am not a wife so I asked my mother. She says there are things that a woman simply must and can refuse to put up with. A man who spends nights outside of the home, a man who will not discuss fidelity, a man who you are insecure about having unprotected sex with - this is the man you should insist on condom use with. Buy the condoms and put them on him. Marriage is not a life sentence and your silence could prove to be very expensive. He may fume, he may accuse you of infidelity, he may threaten to leave, at least you will be alive.