Loe*, in his 50s, never for once imagined that his home, the place he should have felt safest, would become a place of fear and pain.
For years, he had endured a painful secret. His two wives beat him often.
However, he finally mustered the courage to speak up during a community dialogue in Nyando, and shared his story.
His voice trembled as he revealed, "My wives are both stronger than me. They have turned me into a punching bag when I'm sometimes unable to fully provide financially."
The meeting fell silent, the air heavy as the audience stared at him with empathy.
For Loe, this moment of vulnerability was a desperate attempt to reclaim his dignity.
"My first wife has six children and the second one has three. Sometimes when I come back from hustling with food stuff and try to divide according to their needs, it becomes a problem. It often leads to beatings, especially when I'm unable to bring anything at all."
Loe explained how reporting abuse to the stations has not been easy.
"I went to report this, but when I got to the police station, the officers laughed at me. They asked how a grown man like me can be beaten by a woman."
It has not been easy and he can't bring himself to beat his wives in return. This is the reason he went to report hoping action would be taken or the women cautioned.
"I am asking the government or organisations to help men get action. We need help. Only the NGOs within the community try to assist us," he said, adding that he knows other men, from his area, who are also being beaten.
Loe attended the meeting at the Nyando social justice centre to ask what they can do to address the issues amicably because the women are their family.
He urged other men to break the silence, to come out and speak up about the issue, adding that they should not shy away and endure the pain.
While women are more frequently victims of gender-based violence, men also experience significant level of abuse. However, stigma discourages them from reporting their ordeal.
The Centre for Rights Education and Awareness last year said they received 3,762 cases of gender-based violence in 2022.
Out of those cases, 2,985 cases of GBV were by women while 777 cases were by men.
The various types of GBV included physical assault, emotional abuse, defilement and rape.
According to the 2022 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey, four in 10 women (41 per cent) who have ever had a husband or intimate partner, have experienced economic, psychological, physical, or sexual violence perpetrated by their current or most recent partner.
Among men, 36 per cent have faced similar forms of violence from their wives or intimate partners.
The survey also reveals that 42 per cent of women sought help to stop the violence, while for men it was 29 per cent.
Moreover, 58 per cent of men who experienced physical or sexual violence never sought help and never told anyone, while for women its 42 per cent.
Nyando Social Justice Centre convener Caren Omanga said since February this year, they have handled 275 cases of GBV, with issues of men facing abuse in homes being part of the statistics.
“We have cases of wives being beaten by their husbands. But we also have a few cases of men being beaten. I however believe there are very many men whose rights are being violated but they are not reporting,” she said.
Most of the men who go to them do not want to go the police. “They just tell us please call my wife and let us talk.”
From previous cases of men being subjected to gender-based violence, the centre already has a men support group. Here, they link new comers to those already assisted.
They enable them to reach out to those who are being violated and are not speaking. Others are identified during community dialogues.
“We have 15 men in one support group, and we also have 10 groups of women. That makes you see that men are not so many. For those who come, we change them into male champions so that they help us reach out to others undergoing similar predicament,” she added.
She attributed cases of men GBV to financial constraints, adding that the situation becomes even hard if the woman is the one providing for the family.
“In such cases, men do not only endure physical violence. They also undergo psychological violence since every step they make is met with ‘you don’t provide for me’ from the wife.”
She said financial empowerment for both men and women is key in helping reduce cases of GBV in homes.
Gender and Equality Commission senior programmes officer Davis Okeyo said men are suffering silently because they have all along been socialised to be the stronger sex.
“Men are always portrayed as being strong. This has led to a lot of underreporting when it comes to cases of men being subjected to GBV,” he said.
“Most institutions and even the government, target women in awareness creation, making them to push for access to justice while men lag behind,” he added.
Okeyo however said there is light at the end of the tunnel for victims. He said legal aid clinics and gender desks at police stations are now giving a fair hearing to both men and women.
Additionally, he said, men are riding on international celebrations such as the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, to create awareness for improved reporting.
