Another who overcame postpartum psychosis described a terrifying voice in her head: “Inside me is a dark force. A dark shadow that looks like me outside of me. If I kill myself, will the shadow go away?”
Postpartum depression and psychosis are not just medical conditions; they are
deeply social and emotional struggles.
The
birth of a child should be
a moment of joy and celebration. But for many mothers, it marks the beginning of a deep personal crisis.
It is this
shift from an independent individual to a mother that can be sometimes
overwhelming.Some compare
this experience to mourning a death. Others fear that their old selves are gone
forever.Their
experiences reveala lesser-known struggle—mothers grieving the loss of
their former selves after giving birth.“I did go through a period of feeling like I was mourning
the loss of my old life,” says
one woman. “My big fear was that I wasn’t going to get better… that I
never would quite get over it.”Postpartum depression (PPD) is a mood disorder that affects
individuals within one
year after childbirth.It
can cause feelings of sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that make it difficult
to care for yourself and your baby. It needs treatment to get better.Postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum psychosis (PPP)
affect women worldwide, but The new study, co-written by Kenyan women who have lived through these conditions and mental
health experts, presents first-person accounts of mothers who felt trapped in an identity they no
longer recognise.“I wasn’t myself anymore. I became a stranger, an alien. I
lost myself.” This mother,
one of the many who shared their experiences,
captured the emotional
turmoil many women endure. The shift from an independent individual to a mother
is always significant, but for women with PPD, it can feel overwhelming.This loss is compounded by a sense of physical failure. Many
mothers feel their bodies betray them when they struggle to breastfeed or meet
the demands of their newborns. “I felt like my body just wasn’t doing what it
was meant to be doing,” another one said. This
disconnect from both their physical and emotional selves intensifies their
grief.The study also highlights how these feelings extend beyond
the individual, impacting relationships and social bonds. Women suffering from
postpartum psychosis often experience paranoia and isolation.One mother said:“I didn’t trust anybody. I felt like people were just
playing games with me.”Others
described feeling abandoned or misunderstood by their loved ones. “I told my
husband that I might be suffering from postpartum depression, but he didn’t
believe me.”Even more distressing, some mothers find themselves consumed
by guilt, believing they are failing their babies. “It’s very scary. You are
afraid you are not the same person. You are afraid your child isn’t going to
have you for a mother.” This guilt can become overwhelming, leading to
dangerous thoughts. “I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.”For women with postpartum psychosis, these emotions can
escalate into delusions and hallucinations.Not to be
confused with PPD, postpartum psychosis is a rare but serious mental disorder
impacting new mothers. Symptoms include hallucinations, delusions, mania, low mood
and sometimes a
mixture of both a manic mood and a low mood.One woman recounted: “I had to breastfeed him with no eyes, just large black eye
sockets.”Another described a terrifying voice in her head: “Inside me is a dark
force. A dark shadow that looks like me outside of me. If I kill myself, will
the shadow go away?”Despite these challenges, the study offers hope. Recovery,
though slow and difficult, is possible. One mother said, “I knew that things
had to change so I didn’t get ill again… being more aware of what I need. I’m
easier on myself now, and I have a healthier lifestyle.”Others found solace
in their children. “He was the key reason, he was the reason I wanted to get
better.”Medics who
contributed to the paper said social support plays a crucial role in
healing. Peer groups, where women share their experiences with others who
understand, help many mothers regain confidence.They said that
postpartum depression and psychosis are not just medical conditions; they are
deeply social and emotional struggles.Stigma, misinformation, and lack of understanding make it
harder for women to seek help. “Not only the stigma of being mentally ill, you
have got the stigma of being a mentally ill mother, a bad mum.”Psychiatrist
Dr Joyce Mutua who studied patterns in Nairobi, found that portpartum depression and psychosis can be triggered by different things. One of her past studies noted
that women who experience intimate partner violence have higher odds of postpartum
anxiety and depression.She also found
higher proportions of depression, anxiety, and general distress in mothers who
delivered pre-term.“Risk
factors like IPV and poor mental health should be addressed in postpartum
mothers regardless of full term or preterm births status, as a fundamental
right,” she said.
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Postpartum depression and psychosis are not just medical conditions; they are
deeply social and emotional struggles.
