A collage of city lawyer Donald Kipkorir and a person contributing for a funeral/FILEDebate is raging on social media platform X on whether contribution towards funeral expenses of friends or foe is a welcome practice that has become ingrained in society.
The debate was ignited by lawyer Donald Kipkorir who, in his opinion, believes that the contribution towards funeral expenses should be reciprocal.
"To my friends and foes, when my mum suffered from painful & debilitating cancer for long, and which she succumbed to, most of my friends and acquaintances didn’t look for me. So, I don’t understand when they lose their kin and distant relatives; they want to add me to funeral WhatsApp groups,” the lawyer wrote.
"So, if you didn’t call or look for me when I was taking care of and buried my mum, don’t look for me when you lose a kin or friend! I am tired of the invitations,” he added.
His stance attracted a flurry of reactions in the comment section, with some Kenyans expressing relief that someone had finally spoken what they had kept within them for long.
"Phewks finally someone has spoken my mind. It's called reaping what one planted,” one said.
"I agree with this statement. I've come to learn that many of us are full of entitlement and selfishness. Tit for tat is a fair game,” added another.
"Thank you for airing this; I co-sign. Some people only want to be supported when things go wrong, but when things are okay, you’re invisible to them."
Contributing towards medical and funeral expenses is a common phenomenon in Kenya, and many would agree it’s an African culture to offer help during such occasions.
Many are times you wake up and find yourself added to a WhatsApp group created purposely for fund sourcing to offset a hospital bill or give someone a befitting sendoff”.
However, some felt that some people have taken advantage and are exploiting others for their generosity towards such ventures.
"We Africans have made funerals even more costly than weddings and other stages of life parties. What is a decent send-off? Should it be grandiose or simple?” an X user asked.
Whereas a number of Kenyans agreed with Kipkorir''s scratch my back, I scratch your back' philosophy, others felt that in times of loss of a loved one, giving without expecting anything in return is the best approach.
"I respect your stand. On the contrary, I feel good when I help, not expecting to be helped back. Fortunately, when I needed help (more than once) I got help beyond my circle,” a user said.
"Don, the only gathering one must attend without an invitation is a burial. It’s not transactional. In Islam, attending funerals and offering support is actually more beneficial to you. WhatsApp groups that should not be entertained are those for weddings,” another user remarked.
Several other commenters opined that sometimes some people would be willing to help, but only if asked to offer help by those within their circle.
One said the lawyer's counsel was wrong as it was advocating for revenge, something that Christianity does not condone.
"You don't do good to (only) those who do good to you,” they said.
"I think it's ok to help, expecting nothing in return. Your reward is in heaven," came another comment.
I help where I can without expecting any return favours. I've been helped by strangers whom I don't know or will never meet again, equally, by people I can't figure out how to pay them back,” another said.