Marriages can get really embarrassing. The problem is that the one who ends up carrying the heavier burden of shame is quite often the one who least contributed to causing the humiliation. It is confusing I agree, very confusing. Yes, as you happily swear to be with that person ‘for better or worse’, kindly note this includes him pissing himself in public.
That is exactly what happened to a friend of mine on the New Year’s weekend. She had been invited to her boss’s house in Muthaiga for a barbecue and brought her husband along. It was one of those parties where the bighearted host ensures free alcohol keeps flowing until the last guest leaves. Her husband clearly was not used to such generosity.
The man overestimated his ability to handle single malt whiskey – I doubt he had ever tried such before. Soon enough he was downing shot after shot of the neat stuff, even mixing it with vodka and tequila. By 10pm, exactly an hour after they arrived for the party, the man was so drunk that he blacked out on an expensive sofa inside the house.
It wasn’t such a big deal as the seats were not really being used, with most people socialising, walking up and down the compound and admiring the beautifully lit garden outside. The host was very gracious and even covered the man with a blanket. How awkward it must have felt for my friend, the drunken man’s wife. She tried to cover up for the guy by explaining he was exhausted after driving all the way from Mombasa just the previous day.
Not much attention was paid to that incident as the party continued. It, however, ended rather abruptly at around midnight when the man got up from the sofa still drunk as a skunk. He proceeded to remove his pants, right in the middle of the sitting room, knelt down on the floor and emptied all the contents of his bladder onto the expensive carpet that had been imported from Persia.
A few women were in the room at the time and let out a joint scream, attracting everyone back to the house. The crowd got to the scene just as the drunken man was finishing his act. Even before he could pull his pants back up, he fell head first onto the floor and assumed that position used for prayer by some faiths. His naked behind pointing to the ceiling, he let out a loud fart then sighed and almost immediately begun snoring.
What followed was a long hour of disgrace for my friend, as she frantically tried to save face. Apparently the man had already pissed himself while still on the sofa and only rose from it after his clothes got soaked. Between apologising to the hosts, dressing her drunken pee-soaked husband, wiping the carpet, cleaning the sofa cushions and dragging the creep to the car, she admitted to me she questioned every second of their eight-year marriage.
The fact that some of her work colleagues were present and witnessed the whole fiasco, has made her workplace rather uncomfortable for her. Despite assurances from her boss, she is currently looking for a new job. The sneers from colleagues, backbiting and hypocritical offers of advice on how to ‘handle her man’ have become unbearable. Yet her husband is sharing in none of this. Apparently he doesn’t recall much about the night apart from the whiskey.
Is this what people sign up for when they get married? Are you aware of the implication that your spouse’s actions could reflect so negatively on you without any involvement of your own? It is apparently covered by that phrase “for better or worse” yet it seems there’s so much ‘worse’ to share as compared to ‘better’.
