Diary,
The other day, a friend asked me if I had watched a movie called Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it seems to parallel your life so much,” he said.
“But I’ve never even seen the film.”
So, I went and watched the movie, and now I’m terrified. You see, in this movie that I wish I hadn’t seen, Mathew McConaughey plays a ladies’ man who gets visited by his dead uncle, who takes him on a whimsical tour of his past dating conquests, beginning with the girl who fell in love with him when he was like 10 years old.
Let me tell you, my friends, it’s not a pretty journey revisiting one’s past romantic subjugations. Not only does it make you question so many of your past decisions, it makes you look and feel like a douche.
Like that time I dated a girl who expected me to marry her after one date. Or the incident with the woman who dated me only because she knew I was a doctor and she needed medical treatment. Or the date with a Nigerian witch who insisted on having chickens in bed with us.
Was I to be visited by ghosts of my past girlfriends (or one-time dates, in that case), those would be the kind of memories I would have to revisit.
They are horrible memories, most of them, but I realised something else. They are horrible memories mostly for me. By deciding to stay single, it’s like I sentenced myself to a life of bad romantic trysts. I’m unlucky in love most likely out of my own doing.
I remember one other friend telling me how one selects the woman he wants to marry. “When you meet a woman who piques your interest,” he said, “it’s either one of two things: you want to sleep with her or you want more. If all you are interested in is the former, then you look for what suits you the best for the moment.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Some men like a woman’s hair. Others like legs, bums, boobs, waist and what-have-you. That’s all a one-stand-stand need have, he said.”
“If you’re looking for a wife, you look at the woman holistically. Not only the outer looks but also her inner beauty. After all, you want her to be the mother of your future children, yeah?”
And I believe that sums up my situation perfectly. Unless I grow holistic eyes, I’m bound to lose.
