• Even the seemingly desensitised people dealing with the dead can get surprised
Around a week ago, a fella by the name Mort Ishan, a petite fidgety man in a black suit, visited our small village of Jiji Ndogo, mistaking us for our bigger neighbour Jiji Kubwa.
And that was hardly the extent of his troubles. On a quest for a dead body which he was to take back to his funeral home, he came upon my wife Sophia, who happens to look exactly like a woman who had died and been preserved by Mr Ishan three years ago. Needless to say, the encounter didn’t go well at all.
Today, he’s back for his patients’ folder, which he had dropped in his hurry to flee, and what follows is an encounter almost out of this world.
“I must apologise for my quite unprofessional behaviour the other day,” he says in a slow, soft tone. “You see, working with the departed can be a bit challenging at times.”
“The woman in your folder,” Sgt Sophia asks, “who is she, may I ask?”
“Her name is Edwina Kofu. You don’t think you might be related, do you? Your resemblance is uncanny.”
Sophia considers it deeply. “I can’t say for sure. I’m only now getting to know the family on my father’s side, and he says he’s never heard of the name.”
“That’s perfectly understandable. It is said every person on earth has at least one doppelganger.”
“Dope who now?” I ask. “What’s that?”
“A nearly exact physical replica.” Mr Ishan smiles. “We usually joke around the office that it’s a glitch in the matrix.”
I turn to Sophia. “I don’t understand a word he’s saying. What’s a movie got to do with anything?”
“It’s not that complicated a theory,” Mort says. “It’s the idea that we might be someone’s creation and under their control.
“A computer programmer, another more advanced civilisation or even the notion of God as the creator. You can imagine that the more people he creates, the more chances he might duplicate his designs once in a while.”
“I still don’t get it,” I say. “If you guys have thought about this… this glitch, how come you were so scared that you ran out of here?”
“Knowledge or expectation doesn’t save you from sudden shock.” Mort smiles. “Have you ever lost a close relative? If someone close to you dies, you feel sad and wish they weren’t gone.”
“Some people even throw themselves upon the grave and beseech God why it wasn’t them who died instead. But what would happen if the dead person suddenly knocked on the coffin and asked to be let out?”
“I know I’d run for the hills,” Sophia quips with a shudder. “Ghosts creep me out.”
Another uncanny smile from Mort. “But he or she wouldn’t be a ghost per se, would they? Humans aren’t very good at handling surprises,” he says.
“Which, again, lends to the programme theory. A computer will crash or hang if it encounters an unexpected element.”
He takes his folder. “It was really nice to meet you, folks. Ms Kali, it will be my pleasure to attend to you when your time comes.”
“Did you just…” Sophia starts before running out of words.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but you do understand doppelgangers would be something for the books.”
“How about I add you to my collection too, huh?” Sophia says. “You see, I, too, keep a record of those I put behind bars, Mr Ishan. Next time you lose a body, or maybe sell one, I’ll only be too glad to add you to my list.”
As Mort leaves, I turn to Sophia. “This is a dream, right?”