Diary,
Now that I’m leaving for India to attend a study of lifelong bachelors, suddenly I’m doubtful of my convictions. I’ve always had good reasons why I don’t like long-term commitments, but when they become so out there that someone has to observe me to understand why I am the way I am, it doesn’t feel so good anymore. The weirdest thought comes to my head: Maybe I should ditch this bachelor thing and get me someone good.
I’ve dated a few fine people in my life and a whole lot of bad apples. I’ve also gone out with ladies who are so ready to settle down, they walk around with their wedding gowns and rings in their handbags. Should I hook up with any of them, that would only be out of desperation and not fair to me or the woman.
Only one person comes to mind who would be with me because she wants to. Her name is Shirley, and she’s the only woman I know whom I’ve asked out and she turned me down. Several times, actually.
The day before my flight, I call her up and invite her for dinner at my house. “It’s not a date,” I tell her.
“Of course not,” she agrees with a smile I can sense through the phone. “That’s a no-go zone for us.”
I don’t cook much but I manage to rouse up a pretty decent grilled chili lime flank steak. It’s a simple recipe of grilled meat with kachumbari and limes. I call it ‘Lion’s Dinner’.
“This is good,” Shirley says, licking her fingers. “You must want something from me very badly. Who are we fooling this time?”
I had once asked her to play my girlfriend so I could dissuade someone from marrying me. It hadn’t worked. The woman who wanted to be my wife was okay with being a co-wife.
“Actually, no one,” I say, “but you’re right. I want something from you.”
“Oh, boy.” She wipes her lips. “I don’t think I like the sound of this.”
“It’s not like robbing a bank or something. It’s something good; something of benefit to both of us.”
“Okay. What is it?”
I put my fork down and look her straight in the eye. “Shirley, I want you to marry me.”
Contrary to my expectations, she doesn’t look as surprised as I thought she would be. Actually, she doesn’t look surprised at all.
“That’s it?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
She makes a disappointed face. “That’s not how you should propose to someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. You’re not even on your knees, Tom. And where’s the ring? And it better not be some puny diamond I need a magnifying glass to see. It should be so big it blinds anyone who gazes upon it.”
I am reeling with surprise. I hadn’t anticipated it to be this easy. “Are you serious?”
“Are you?” she shoots back. “That was very lame, Tom.”
I raise my hands. “Okay, okay. I’ll get you a proper ring and do it properly next time. You see, I was to travel to India for a study about—”
Shirley cuts me off with uproarious laughter.
“What?” I ask.
“That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. Thank you, Tom. That was a good meal and a great laugh.” She settles down and looks at me. “Anyway, what was all this about?”
And that’s how come I’m packing my suitcase for my trip to the land of spices.
