About seven months ago, I was mandated to join a programme that required me to be away from home for about five hours during the day. Luckily, right before I started my programme, my son was admitted to daycare three times a week.
My husband agreed to watch my son for the two remaining days while he worked from home. I must emphasise that at this point, my son and I had spent every day of his first two years together.
I was the primary parent in the literal sense as my husband was away for the most part of his first year of life, and once we joined him, we were forced to also spend every minute of the day together as we had no one else. Other than the part-time daycare, we have zero help with our son. Not even a neighbour to watch our kid if an appendix is bursting and we have to rush to hospital.
As such, my son and I were close. He formed other attachments, of course, but I was always the ‘preferred candidate’ at the end of the day. I say all this to say, those days are gone. I am no longer the preferred parent, the bond is somewhat weaker and dad is currently at the centre of his universe. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. I’ve been on the verge of tears every day for the last few days as I get pushed away because he only wants to be with his dad.
I’m not envious of their relationship, as a matter of fact I admire it greatly. My husband is patient, a great teacher and overall a great dad. Even though I knew that the mother-filial bond weakens over time as kids grow and become more independent, I wasn’t ready for it to happen this soon. I want to hold on to my baby a little longer.
I want to be the main comfort when he’s hurt, I want to be the one who knows all the secret ways of making him do something. I want to be the same person he saw when he looked up as he breastfed and saw the entirety of his universe. His security, his nourisher and his caregiver.
The sad reality is that time has passed and my precious baby is almost a testy threenager. He has his definite likes and preferences, he’s adorable one minute and raging the next, he wants to be safe with us but is also curious to venture out in the world.
Even though I have been secretly shedding a tear or two the past week, I have come to terms with the present. My husband is the preferred parent now, and even if I barely recall, there were days I used to wish for this. I wanted my son to be closer to his dad and also give me time to do other pressing jobs around the house.
I know it’s just a matter of time before he turns right back around and turns into a mama’s boy. And at some point in his teenage years, he will be his dad’s buddy and so on, and the cycle will go. Isn't that what parenting is after all? Just being there when your child needs you the most.