When petulant child makes you feel enough is enough

There are moments in parenting where one just gets fed up. As a parent, you go through the manipulations, tantrums and pickiness because you want the best for your child. You allow them to express themselves, to have likes and dislikes and to vent out their frustrations.

As our kids are still young, the brunt of our children’s frustrations ends up landing on us. And we take it. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year. That is what parenting is all about.

Parenting is a complex thing. We want to allow our children all the freedom we can so they can grow and develop into the people they want to be. Then we remember we live in a society with values and norms and expectations. And our role to our children as viewed by society is completely different to the role we see for ourselves as parents.

For instance, society expects you as a parent to take care of your child’s hygiene and appearance. The people on the streets, in the schools are not going to care if your child had a meltdown and refused to wash, dress or comb their hair. They expect you to manage all that for your child, as you are the responsible adult tasked with the care of a child who will one day be a member of said society.

When we think about our roles as parents on the broader spectrum, we sometimes want to parent like drill sergeants. We want to keep our kids in line, to make them listen and follow instructions and be orderly. You want them to learn how to put their toys away at a young age because as a parent, you do it 500 times a day and you just want them to learn it. You want them to eat what you put in front of them without drama.

Alas, that is not how the world operates. Kids are little humans with their own emotions, too. They will resist, cry, refuse and fight if they can just to get their way. Luckily, humans are moldable creatures. Unlike other species, they are capable of learning, understanding and following rules. Most of the time they fight because they don’t want to, not because they can’t.

After years of my son becoming an increasingly picky eater and going through his new terrible (almost) three phase, I just lost it. It was strange how I lost it internally. I didn’t yell or scream. I didn't force him to do anything at that moment, I just retreated into my head and said, “I’ve had about enough! I am taking back control!”

I was in one of those dangerously angry yet calm zones. When I told my husband what was about to happen, he didn't argue. When I started applying the change into our routine the next day, my son did not even fight it.

My eyes, my demeanour and my actions told him, “I am the parent.”