• To achieve our goals, we need to check our self-image, self-worth and self-concept
Image: PIXABAY
Someone said procrastinating is a symptom; to treat it, look for the cause. This article wants to come out but my fingers and I are not ready. You see, unlike the other articles, this I write from the wilderness. I tend to only write on things I have extensive knowledge of. Things I have survived, you know; that I have experience with.
Earlier this year, my therapist and I explored self-concept. Adulting shook me to the core. I felt I did not quite understand who I was or wanted to be.
I had explored family dynamics the previous year, you know... Narrating your childhood, how it felt when you lost your best friend, which parent loved you and who did not spare the rod, yada yada.
This year, we explored what self-beliefs I had. What started as me trying to figure out just a little bit about myself ended up shaking my foundation.
You see, self-concept is the image we have of ourselves. How you view yourself affects your abilities. We say 'Samaki mkunje angali mchanga'. Literally, “tie up the fish while still fresh”. Our self-concept is more malleable in our childhood.
So, how exactly does your self-concept affect your ability to accomplish goals?
In Eric Erickson's stages of development, the first stage is trust vs mistrust. In this stage, children expect their caregivers to meet all their needs. When these needs are not met, we learn we are not worthy or deserving enough of the things we need.
In stage two, autonomy vs shame and doubt, we learn to choose what is best for us. We start to assert ourselves. We become independent. Stage 3 is initiative vs guilt. In this stage, we ask questions, manage situations and set goals. Stage 4, industry vs inferiority. In this stage, we understand our strengths and weaknesses and, therefore, compare ourselves.
And how does that affect your ability to achieve goals?
Now, if your caregivers did not always meet your needs, you may have believed you are not worthy of them. This would manifest as you never keeping a job long enough to have a home.
If when you tried to speak up, you were shamed and your choices questioned, you might have internalised you are not smart enough. Which might manifest as you always needing constant validation.
If your guardian did not support you when you made decisions, you lack ambition or you simply do not take the initiative.
Constantly being reminded that you are not doing well in certain areas of your life would lead to feeling inferior.
Do you see how this connects? Do you see how your childhood affects your ability to set and accomplish goals?
The good thing is, we can change. As I did not understand myself, my therapist used the Johari Window. A tool used to bridge the known and the unknown. The Johari Window is used to help us understand our conscious and unconscious beliefs. It improves our self-awareness.
It is divided into four quadrants. One, the open area, represents the things you know about yourself. Two, the blind area represents things about yourself that you are not aware of but others know about you. Three, hidden area, these are things you know about yourself that you hide from others. Four, unknown, things that are unknown to you and by others.
The two marry in this way. Use the Johari window to understand yourself. See where these beliefs stem from (what stage in childhood they stem from) and fix it.
The fix-it part sounds easy. As mentioned, I did not want to write this. I feel more confident writing on things I have accomplished. But here we are!
The first step to any change is shedding light to your problem, which we have.
The second stage in our case would be finding affirmations that counter our current core beliefs. For example, if your needs were not met, switch that by repeating I am worthy of comfort. Then repeat the process for all the limiting beliefs we have. You can also achieve this by hypnosis (which I have yet to try).
For us to achieve our goals, we need to check our self-image, self-worth and self-concept.
I leave you with a book recommendation. To understand the topic better, read 'The Mountain Is You' by Brianna West.