A child’s teenage years are a period of significant changes. These changes can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety as they navigate their world as developing young adults. Pre-teens experience various physical, emotional, mental and social changes. As parents, it is essential to acknowledge that each child’s experience is unique and that this journey will be a learning process for both parties.
Insecurities in pre-teens and teens often result from comparing themselves with their peers. Indifference in some cases may be perceived negatively. Some common red flags include unhealthy competition in social circles. Each child is gifted differently, and trying to match up to each other's standards and accomplishments can be challenging. This can result in an inferiority complex for those who do not measure up to their friends.
Striving for unrealistic perfection in their physical appearance due to their exposure to the Internet and media creates a challenge for pre-teens. The desire for perfection can lead to exhaustion and mental fatigue, taking a toll on a teen’s mental health. Most desire perfection so much that failure and low self-esteem become a fear. Most children push themselves excessively to excel in certain areas to divert attention from their underlying insecurities.
In some cases, a once confident child may suddenly seek validation from others. In the long run, they express less self-confidence and require external approval. This can lead to decision-making and behavioural changes aimed at pleasing others, even against their wishes. Subconsciously, they end up struggling with their conscience and the need for external validation.
Some teens may take criticism to heart. They become defensive when criticised by others to shield themselves from perceived negative feedback. This heightened sensitivity can make them vulnerable and could lead to social withdrawal.
During this period, there is a possibility of a parent’s special close bond with a child being pushed away. At the same time, they will come back for reassurance when needed. It is all about knowing when to step in and help, and when to let the situation run its course.
It is important to encourage open and honest conversations about their feelings and experiences. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their concerns without fear of judgment or criticism. This way, they know they are welcome to share any time.
It is equally vital to help them understand that everyone is unique and that differences are natural and valuable. Reinforce the idea that they do not need to conform to societal standards or peer pressure to be accepted and loved. Rejection should be presented as part of socialising. It, however, should not brand an individual as unwanted.
Coping mechanisms, such as journaling and engaging in hobbies or activities, should be introduced to help manage stress and insecurity. Guide them to develop coping, problem-solving and interpersonal skills relevant to the respective situations experienced.
Constant monitoring of their online
activities should go without saying to help them navigate safely and critically
evaluate the content they encounter. Discuss the impact of social media on self-esteem
and encourage them to limit their exposure to unrealistic portrayals of their
physical appearance and success.
Ezekiel Mureithi is the head of marketing and
communications at Crawford International School
