A day in the life of a male sex worker

In a battered economy in which the shilling is losing its value by the day, all manner of side hustles to generate income is common place, including male sex work.

F O, 37, does sex work as a side hustle, generating more income than even his formal day job. He is bisexual. 

A bisexual is someone open to having sexual relationship with both gender.

F O says he no longer wants to hide his real self, and wants to speak up to get legitimacy and push for safety of all other sex workers in the country. 

He started sex work in 2013 immediately after completing campus when “I realised that I can do this thing not just for pleasure but also for generating extra income.”

F O was born and bred in Mombasa before coming to Nairobi 11 years ago for work.

His day job is working as a prevention officer at a Nairobi clinic run by Bar Hostess Empowerment & Support Programme, a sex worker care outfit that advocates upholding rights of those doing the trade. 

Founded in 1998, the lobby describes itself as “an organisation for and bisex workers, women having sex with women, women using drugs and bar hostesses in Kenya.”

F O believes sex work has put him in a firm financial footing more than his day job, boasting of supporting two adopted schoolgoing children in Korogocho slums, supporting his family members and getting his life going.

He's currently planning a wedding with his girlfriend at the end of the year and that “it is my income from sex work that will enable me pay the bride price to my in-laws to enable me marry my girlfriend.”

His day starts at the office in the morning until 5pm, before he logs into his social media platforms to 'hunt', but anonymously, for his safety.

At other times, he sets himself in a “hotspot,” — which are places like bars or such shared public spaces— where he can easily get noticed by potential clients. An interested client then reaches out. 

It is a consensual no strings attached sexual escapade with mainly male clients.

His clients, F O says, are mainly family men with high status, like clerics and politicians.

The politicians' list includes Cabinet Secretaries and MPs, he claims.

“Most of my clients tend to be family men with children but I have also served high profile personalities who pay well. Its no strings attached and no emotional entanglement involved meaning that after the work, everybody moves on,” he said. 

His best time of the year is when schools are closed and his clients are not burdened with school bills. 

The last born in a family of five, F O says he was not groomed into his sexual orientation. Instead, he says he always had queer feelings growing up.

“I was not taught or groomed to be gay. I was not sodomised growing up. As a child, my siblings tell me that while other little boys were fascinated by toy cars, I always cried for dresses and toys,” he said.

Part of his family, he says, have accepted his orientation and support his work. It is only his mother, who is now old, that still objects. 

“My mother is in her 80s and I love her and she loves me but she does not approve of my lifestyle but the rest, especially the siblings, embrace me,” he said.

Does his girlfriend know about his sex work and orientation?

The girlfriend, who works in Rongo, Migori county, is not aware, he says.  However, she is aware about his work as a prevention officer.

“She does not know about my bisexual orientation and sex work but she knows my formal work, and she is passionate about helping sex workers protect themselves from disease and infections.”

Though his male sex work earns him more money, he has opted to settle down with a woman “because I long to have children.”

“I believe marriage is for procreation and that is why I am opting for marrying a woman rather than a man. I can live with a man just for pleasure but not long-term commitment because no child comes from that and I want a stable family life.”

And once married by end year, how will he bring his wife into the picture or will be lead a double life?

 “I will cross that bridge when I get there," he says. 

He says he has suffered at the hands of some of his clients. 

In 2022, a man posing as a client lured him to a venue before assaulting him with a club.

“He locked the doors, increased the volume of the music and started assaulting me, saying I’m doing an illegal and immoral work. He almost killed me and thank God I escaped but with injuries,” F O says. 

Because of the illegal nature of his job, he could not report to police what he had gone through and only received treatment from a hospital after he lied that he had an accident.

F O believes sex work should be decriminalised as it will ensure there's safety for those choosing the trade. He believes this will reduce HIV infection rates associated with sex work and stigma. 

“We have done protests before and will plan one soon to pressure the government to uphold the rights of sex workers because we engage in consensual activity and also pay taxes with our monies,” he says.

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