An encounter with Pius Warui Njenga is one where freedom is instantly felt. His warmth radiates through his lively, humorous answers, while his persona sparks open and engaging conversations, even on sensitive issues like sex.
Njenga, popularly known as ‘Dr Waruinu’, brings passion and energy into couples’ seminars, radio talk shows, church sessions and across social media, where he commands a large following.
He is committed through his certified professionalism and extensive research to breaking stigma and demystifying issues long associated with sex, especially within the traditional African setting.
In many African societies, sex is not openly discussed, and this silence may be one reason misunderstandings and challenges around it linger.
After spending 10 years in the corporate world, Dr Waruinu made the bold decision to step away and pursue a different path, one aligned with his journey of self-discovery, identity and rebuilding self-esteem.
“I coined the name ‘Waruinu’ from Warui, loosely translated to ‘Who is Warui?’ with the intention of understanding who I am,” he says,
“Because I grew up grappling with issues of body image due to discontent and ignorance about how some parts of my body were created.”
His interest in sexology was also sparked during his time in the corporate world as he sought to understand why many marriages start strong but later struggle. This led him to pursue a three-year online course in sexology with a South Africa-based institute to help couples navigate challenges in their sex lives.
He chose to share his knowledge through open platforms to fill a gap because he says the country is still far from changing its mindset and achieving healthy sexual habits. He says this often leads to professionals like him facing ostracism because the topic is approached negatively.
This, he says, stands in sharp contrast to some developed countries, where associations of sexologists and regulatory bodies exist, and where some have even established sex ministries to promote healthy sexual lives.
He adds that sexologists should be true professionals who are accountable for their teachings, and calls on Kenyans to be cautious about the information they consume, saying many so-called experts are quacks.
“Second, with the emergence of technology, some couples have turned to pornography to enhance their sex lives,” he says.
“However, this can work against them, as porn promotes perfection rather than addressing real-life sexual challenges, such as erectile dysfunction. That is where professionals like us come in.”
KEEP THE FIRE BURNING
Contrary to what many believe, sex is more than intercourse or penetration.
The therapist says sex is about desiring your spouse’s body and experiencing the sense of bliss that comes even with simple acts, such as a gentle touch, cuddle, hug or kiss, all of which can enhance connection between partners.
Sex, he says, is a right that should only be exercised when one is physically and psychologically fit, meaning a person is in control and able to decide when they are truly ready to engage.
Sex can become boring, especially if it turns into a routine, Waruinu says. He compares it to daily schedules and says intimacy can decline due to many real-life factors.
Lack of communication is a key factor. Waruinu says couples should address three key questions: What to do for your partner, what your partner should do for you and how both of you are feeling.
Good sex, he says, boosts mental and sometimes physical health, helps relieve stress, strengthens connection and desire and should never create negative feelings of being used or rejected.
Intimacy should be more than a means of procreation, and couples who are done having children should engage in it more often.
The sex coach says couples should remember that passionate sex is not always possible, and that in such moments, intimacy requires a mix of energy from both partners.
Even when one is clothed, tired or unwell, intimacy through ‘dry humping’ can serve as an alternative as it activates the body’s natural pain-relieving hormones.
“While stressed, many people steer away from sex, but believe it or not, this can be the right remedy,” he says.
“Instead of reaching for antidepressants, get intimate with your partner at least three times a day. During the act, the body produces oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, which significantly helps neutralise cortisol, the stress hormone.”
Additionally, he encouraged couples to be intentional about saving and prioritising their emotional connection. He said physical intimacy alone does not necessarily deepen a man’s bond with his partner.
Instead, women often value appreciation through small and thoughtful gestures, such as hugging and kissing, which can strengthen relationships, preserve emotional energy and support a healthy marital sex life.
PILLS AND DIET
Regarding the use of Viagra, he emphasised the importance of understanding why it is needed and cautioned against buying it over the counter. Such drugs should only be used when prescribed by a qualified medical professional, and users must understand the potential side effects.
“Individuals should first identify the underlying cause of their condition, as some issues can be effectively addressed through therapy without the need for medication,” he says.
“Some of the pills may remain active in the body for several hours, thus requiring careful planning with one’s partner, while others may have milder effects and not create urgency in the body.”
Waruinu urged men to eat a healthy, balanced diet instead of relying on ‘blue pills’, while also exercising regularly and maintaining a healthy lifestyle to improve sexual performance.
He recommends foods such as spinach, avocados, watermelon, grapes and other iron-rich options. ‘Uji power’ can help if its ingredients include cassava, groundnuts and avocados.
Waruinu advises against excessive consumption of tobacco and alcohol. He further cautions that obesity can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
FROM FOREPLAY TO AFTERS
For a fulfilling sexual encounter, Waruinu recommended preparing one’s partner in advance through early communication, including through sexting. He emphasised that men should psychologically prepare their partners, noting that women often take time to process intimacy because they are more mentally and emotionally oriented.
Lovers should address unresolved issues before becoming intimate, as intimacy requires psychological connection, mindfulness of a partner’s needs, physical awareness and the setting of clear boundaries.
“Couples should understand how far they are willing to go and set clear boundaries that should not be crossed, hence the importance of prior preparation.”
Some couples, he says, may wish to explore unconventional styles, while others may want fantasy experiences, where they recreate what they have been fantasising about.
Couples may also agree on the use of protection, such as condoms, and discuss the use of lubricants to enhance the experience. He cautions men against using saliva and petroleum jelly, saying saliva contains enzymes that may be unhealthy, while petroleum jelly has a pH level that is not compatible with body tissues and can be harmful.
Waruinu further emphasised the importance of understanding your partner during intimacy, especially at climax. Many people misinterpret natural body responses, which can lead to low self-esteem.
“How a woman responds to sex sometimes can be pegged on their first experience with intimacy,” he says.
“Despite their experiences, I urge them to focus and savour every moment of it. There are those whose bodies will produce fluid that may be misconstrued as poor hygiene, while others will simply experience body shaking and yet are at their climax.”
After intimacy, it is important to treat your partner to a hug or cuddle, Waruinu says, noting that a good experience develops through the process and that the results will naturally be felt.
SAFETY DURING INTIMACY
Couples should observe high standards of personal hygiene before intimacy and to ensure a clean and conducive environment. Waruinu advised relieving onself within 30 minutes afterwards, saying this helps prevent urinary tract infections. He also discouraged excessive waxing of private areas, especially when engaging with a new partner, saying this could increase the risk of infection.
The expert said partners should not limit their sexual experiences but instead explore different styles that may spice up their encounters.
He, however, cautioned against engaging in risky practices or environments that could be dangerous, saying places such as bathrooms can be slippery and increase the risk of injury or even death.
Sex toys should not be used to replace intimacy but instead complement relationships, he said. They can be beneficial in certain situations, such as when one partner is unable to engage physically due to injury or other legitimate reasons, but overreliance on them may reduce sensitivity over time.
SEX EDUCATION
Waruinu advocates sex education in schools, saying it is long overdue in the country. He says learners should be taught basic human anatomy to help them better understand their bodies. This knowledge can foster confidence and improve self-esteem among young people.
“We need to introduce a curriculum that focuses on the positive attributes rather than only the negatives,” he says.
“Too often, conversations about sex are centred on risks, fear and consequences. While those are important, other aspects are overshadowed. By shifting our mindset about intimacy and broadening the discussion, we can create a more balanced and constructive conversation.”
Ignorance allows myths about sex to prevail, particularly the notion that the longer the intimacy, the greater the satisfaction.
“Intimacy can last a minute and still fulfill its purpose, which is creating a sense of connection between partners. It’s not about duration but experiencing its benefits.”
Another misconception he points out is that ‘the bigger the size, the greater the experience’. He argues that the most sensitive areas of a woman’s body are only a few inches deep, challenging this belief.
Additionally, he dispels the notion that the value of sex lies solely in reaching climax, urging couples not to base their experiences entirely on orgasm.
As a sex coach, he sees no issue with couples engaging in intimacy during a woman’s menstrual period. In fact, it may help relieve stress, he says. However, he advises couples to use protection, such as condoms, to reduce the risk of infections and ensure safety.
As couples age, their desire for physical intimacy may decline. Waruinu encourages a shift towards outercourse rather than a focus on penetration.
“This is the stage where couples can engage in a slow, sensual experience, with romance and communication taking centre stage, and the focus shifting to enjoying each other’s presence.”
As couples age, libido levels decline due to reduced hormone levels. Waruinu called on couples with a wide age gap to communicate about intimacy because differences in libido may create pressure on one partner if not properly addressed.
He cautions that prolonged lack of intimacy may lead to reduced sensitivity when one resumes, as well as possible issues, such as vaginal atrophy, pain during intercourse, reduced penile size and a decline in libido.
