You'll never find me anywhere among a group of discombobulated windbags bantering about the English Premier League clubs in one of those dingy local pubs.
Neither will you spot me in an apparel shop rummaging through the line for droll replica Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea jerseys.
One can't become a football pundit overnight on the strength of beer and a replica jersey — no pun intended. Don't misconstrue my assertions. I harbour no ill feelings against foreign leagues and clubs.
I’m merely discomfited by individuals in this country who can provide the finer details of all the squad members of English Premier League football clubs, including the names of their spouses and children. Yet, they couldn't even name a single Western Stima or Nairobi City Stars player in the Football Kenya Federation Premier League.
Curiously enough, they are the same puritans who will raise their voices hoarse in condemning our national team's poor form on the international stage.
They will endlessly launch unnecessary diatribes against the pathetic style of play exhibited by Kenyan teams, then cite that as sufficient excuse to snub our local league.
The harshest critics of Kenyan footballers are those who do absolutely nothing to help them register a positive curve in the game, true to the adage, ‘Empty vessels make the most noise.’
Would it be wise to drool over the voluptuous curves of a neighbour's wife when you are doing little to feed your emaciated woman?
Or better still, how would you feel if your woman decided to cheat on you simply because you are not massaging her dreams well enough, when she's the one who is not putting you on the appropriate diet that can give you sufficient vigour to work her out properly?
The English Premier League sides you are now craving for were once as deprived and unattractive as our local clubs. Their success thus far is the result of committed, persistent and heavy investment.
For our football to attain any meaningful heights and compete effectively with the rest of the world, we need to invest heavily in state-of-the-art facilities and quality equipment.
Those familiar with the dynamic world of football coaching will agree that players plying their trade for teams in foreign leagues are exposed to superior training techniques which are pegged down to better facilities, equipment and advanced knowledge.
Everything about our football is pathetic, right from our bumpy pitches all the way to the ill-equipped gyms. We don't pay our players well enough and in good time to motivate them to perform well on the pitch. We keep delaying their salaries, yet we demand impressive performances.
Football, like any enterprise, needs to be moulded to achieve its maximum potential. Like a flower, it must be watered regularly and provided with essential minerals to attain its fullest height.
Instead of jamming those dingy pubs donning replica shirts in support of foreign outfits, we ought to paint the stands of our stadiums with the beautiful colours of our local teams.
Edited by T Jalio