What role does sex serve in your life? Our mind always wants to be enticed, to be engaged. It wants to see something new, new styles, chasing whoever is more orgasmic, something flashy. But this is not sustainable because entertainer performance is affected by age, technology, new entertainers and new audiences.
The best entertainer in music today will be overtaken by new entertainers in less than a century. Audiences may change their tastes and drop the old entertainers.
Seeing sex as entertainment is a catalyst to infidelity since that is unsustainable in marriage as a result of hormonal changes, age, bodily changes, emotional stress, more responsibilities affecting even the body physiology, and also new young men and women who can be better ‘entertainers’.
SEX IS NOURISHMENT
Sex is not entertainment but nourishment. It’s a nourishing energy on many different levels in many different directions. It nourishes your body, soul and heart. So this is the true place of sex in your life. With this, you can enjoy sex without the targets, not getting out of comfort zone, without the pressure of performance.
I’m not banning you from fun and exciting sex. It’s okay when you are in the mood. It’s just that you need a lot more that is sustainable in a long-term relationship.
You want a greater spectrum. You want a greater range. You need to feed other parts of yourself. You need to feel loved, desired, sexy, respected, cared for.
Looking at sex as entertainment has led to many feeling used, abandoned, tired, rejected and pressured to perform to avoid losing when compared with other entertainers.
Even if excitement, at the very least, is very important, there is a bunch of other feelings you want to feel with your partner that are at least as important as excitement. When we focus on sex as nourishment, we get a lot more from sex. We start feeling more beauty, blissfulness and enhanced well-being.
Entertainers are given targets, or specific performance goals. I’m 100 per cent sure that your partner’s targets will backfire because it shifts the experience from a shared emotional connection to a task-oriented achievement. While goals are great for the gym or the office, in sex, they can introduce a specific kind of pressure that kills the very thing they are trying to enhance.
Your partner is not an entertainer. He or she should nourish your body, spirit and heart. Therefore, there should be a target-free approach, and below are the reasons why the approach will be effective,
Before I share the reasons, targets are like it’s a must to orgasm or go a number of rounds. They also cover refractory period length (time from orgasm to another erection), size of the penis, vagina wetness or how well she can arc a doggy style.
TARGET-FREE BENEFITS
This approach helps to reduce performance anxiety. It enhances connection, which should be the most-sought thing in sex. There will be no feeling of inadequacy or feeling like a failure. Your spouse is a lover, not an employee, not an audience, not in a contract. Why give entertainment targets?
When you set a specific target, whether it’s a time duration, expectations, wetness or even the type of orgasm, it creates a pass/fail dynamic. This leads to a spectator effect. Instead of being immersed in the moment, they become spectators of their own performance.
Don’t be shocked when one partner becomes the unfair referee. They end up checking the scoreboard to see if their partner is hitting the mark. This comes with frustrations, leading to a sexless marriage or looking for an alternative who can hit the entertaining targets.
Failure to entertain leads to a feeling of guilt and resentment, making the next encounter feel even more pressurised.
Entertainment targets are objective (“We must achieve this tonight”). Intimacy is subjective (what feels amazing one night might not feel amazing tomorrow). Rigid goals don’t allow the flexibility that healthy relationships need.
Dagitari Waruinu is a sexologist
Contact: 0745506140
Social media handles: @Dagitariwaruinu
