BRINGING SEXY BACK: Are you in a drought-hit relationship?

There comes a time when you go for a long period without sex with your partner. You are not alone. If you think your neighbours who have been married are having passionate, exciting, amazing sex, you are wrong.

In most couples, there is a major decline after the initial attraction. Except for a few couples who don’t experience the slump, this article will help you change the curve, but it needs a more welcoming approach.

For many couples, sex remains mechanical, a routine, work or responsibility. It doesn’t feel the way it used to, and this becomes a frustration for many couples to the point of going for even months in a dry spell.

The chemistry is very high when we are new in a relationship. We do sex because we feel the energy to do it. Chemistry is like Viagra, the desire is high.

This chemistry declines in later stages. Many couples divorce or start cheating because they feel being unloved, rejected, not desired, abandoned, not sexy anymore. But it’s far from the truth.

HOW TO REVIVE SEX

1. Create energy

You must remember that you are not going to sex with the energy you had when chemistry was high (honeymoon phase). Back then, you were driven by desire, instincts, when libido was like a drug.

Later in a relationship, you must do sex by choice, not because you are driven by instincts or energy. You choose to have sex because it’s a good thing to do, because its important to you, because you get nutrition for yourself and for your relationship.

You can’t wait for energy to throw you to sex. That can take weeks, and this is where many couples go wrong. It is a complete 360 turnaround. Create sex energy. Create the stuff that is going to feed you.

You must learn to have sex without a massive turn-on. To create energy from scratch and nurture it. It’s going to develop. You must be intentional and understand that sex must not be too passionate for you to gain from it. Take a shower and go to bed to create this energy without waiting for it.

2. Mix the energy

You were doing passionate and exciting sex during the honeymoon phase. This is not sustainable in later stages due to body changes, lowered physical sensitivity, financial responsibilities, work obligations, raising children, hormonal issues where oestrogen in women or testosterone in men can decline, reducing the desire.

Don’t be frustrated. The real benefit of sex is not orgasms but connection. Feel loved, feel desired, be nourished. You must start seeing sex as nutrients and focus on the actual journey making the experience feel much more profound and bonded.

Mix the energy by introducing other types of sex, which may not be really exciting but it’s more nourishing to the relationship. These include dry humping (sex with clothes), slow sensual sex, sex without ejaculations, sex without strong erections, outercourse, sex without thrusting… Keep reading because I will share in detail all these types of sex in coming days.

3. Don’t waste the energy

I’m worried that sex without ejaculation is rated as low and useless. Ejaculations require a significant expenditure of biological energy, and nutrients such as zinc, magnesium and proteins.

After climax, the body experiences a sharp spike of prolactin, a hormone that induces the ‘refractory period’, the downtime where energy drops and motivation dips. Avoiding ejaculation keeps prolactin low, maintaining high energy. You need this to keep sex alive.

The downtime can even take a week in later days of marriage, keeping you away from your partner for days. This tends to breed disconnection, which is a catalyst to misunderstanding and conflicts. Ejaculation is good but sometimes avoid it to keep you more connected to your partner.

Where do you keep this retained energy? I can’t wait to share with you a channelling technique.

Dagitari Waruinu is a sexologist

Contact :0745506140

Social media handles:@Dagitariwaruinu